A gift from God.

A few weeks ago I got an email saying that the memory bench Rob's family and I had requested was installed and ready for us to see.  We had decided to have a bench placed at Bird's Hill Provincial Park, a place that Rob loved and we went frequently as a family.  That day after school Isaac and I had a little time before we had to be somewhere so we hoped in the car and drove out to Birds Hill Provincial Park.  We arrived just as it was getting dark and pulled into a deserted parking lot.  As I pulled towards the end of the lot I saw 2 deer sticking their heads out from right behind the bench.  Isaac and I jumped out of the car to get a little closer and to our surprise they didn't run away!  As we walked up to Rob's bench to check it out the snow was lightly falling in huge flakes, the deer were standing close by and there were chickadees flying all over the place.  It was magical!  I was crying tears of sadness but also tears of joy.  Rob would love that place and to be surrounded by such beauty in nature and animals just blew me away.  The mother deer was about an arms length away from us just looking.  Isaac and I both feel like our time there was a gift from God and that He sent the deer there to remind us that He is with us and Rob is good and happy in heaven.  In fact as we got into the car the deer ran off into the bush so we were the only ones to see them.  I am so thankful for that short time we had there and will never forget the experience.  The bench is currently being fixed because the plaque was cracked however next time you are at Birds Hill take a moment to stop by the White-Tailed Deer Trail (right across from Pineridge Hollow) and Rob's bench is at the edge of the parking lot.  We hope it is a place our family can go and remember Rob and that others can do the same.

With Christmas approaching quickly I have been experiencing many emotions and so has Isaac.  This is our first Christmas without Rob which is hard enough but I am also dealing with reliving the events of last year.  Plus the 1 year anniversary of Rob's death is January 4th so it is a lot to handle right now.  Isaac and I both have our share of emotional breakdowns, infact just yesterday after school something triggered a memory for Isaac and I found him sobbing, curled up in a ball in his bed.  It breaks my heart but I also know the memories and tears are good to work through.  Christmas this year feels so different to me.  We will still celebrate Christmas by remembering Jesus' birthday.  We will still spend time with family and friends.  We will still exchange gifts.  We even still listen to Christmas music.  But the joy of Christmas and the traditions that come with it feel far away this year.    Last year Rob was with us but Christmas morning he woke up and something was different and to be honest it was not a great day.  This year I am trying to make new memories with Isaac, and to let him have an awesome Christmas.  

Please pray for us as we celebrate Christmas and then as we reach the one year mark.  There is something so big about saying we survived the first year without Rob but there is also something so terrifying about the reality that he has been gone for a year.  We miss him so much and not a day goes by that we don't feel his absence.  Pray for Isaac as he is still learning to deal with his emotions and as a 6 year old that is a big job and that he would always feel loved and safe.  Pray for me that I have the strength to do what I need to do each day, that I lean on Jesus to carry me, that I feel his presence in the moments when I feel lonely, and that God would give me joy and hope to continue to live for Him.  

Love, Karen