Hope in Heaven.

Since Rob went to be with Jesus there are many things about heaven that I didn't worry about before that now I find I need to know the answers.  I have always known that because I have a personal relationship with Jesus and asked for forgiveness of my sins that I will one day be in heaven.  I know that heaven is so much more amazing than earth and that we sometimes get a glimpse of the glory of heaven but nothing on earth compares to it.  I know that the followers of Jesus will spend eternity there and that our time here on earth is a moment compared to the time we will be there.  I know that there is no pain, sadness or sickness.  All of these things give me great comfort in knowing where Rob is and how he is doing.  He is healed!  He is pain free!  He is praising Jesus!  He is at home with his Saviour!  I praise Jesus for all of these things. But what does that mean for Isaac and I here, today.  We know one day we will be with him.  I pray everyday for Isaac to know Jesus and to follow him so that one day we will all be together again. However right now we are living here on earth without Rob and it can be so unbearable.  I find myself wondering about Rob but never worrying about him.  It is Isaac and I and the people left behind that I worry about.  I was sharing some of my worries with a friend and she leant me a book by Randy Alcorn called Heaven.  I have had it sitting in my house for a few weeks but yesterday picked it up and skipped ahead to the part about relationships.  I know that when we are in heaven things that matter now won't matter there but there are somethings that will help me get through today and help me to be able to step forward from here.  One thing I often wonder about is will we know our friends and family in heaven? Will Rob and I still be married in heaven?  Will he know who I am when I get there?  I think these things feel important to me now because I miss him so much.  I know he doesn't feel the sadness that I do but I want him to long to be with Isaac and I the way we do.  In the little bit I have read so far I recommend this book if Heaven is something you wonder about.  Randy Alcorn explains a lot about relationships and how God created us to be in relationship with Him and also those around us.  When we get to heaven we won't be married in the earthly sense but Rob and I will know each other and be even closer then we were when we were together here on earth.  It also talks a lot about other questions I have and wonder about using the bible directly to answer them.  Being the one left here on earth is definitely the harder place to be but we have God's promises in the bible and I need to cling to those.

The weather is finally warming up here and with that means lots of trips to the park.  The other week a whole bunch of our friends and their kids met at a park close by.  It was a really good time and the weather was perfect and no mosquitos yet.  I was enjoying my time with the girls when I almost felt myself "check out" of the conversation.  I found myself stepping away from the group and just looking around.  As good as it was to be there, the absence of Rob was so obvious to me.  A couple of his friends were throwing a football back and forth and as I watched them all I could think about was that Rob would have loved it that night.  When Isaac and I got home he got ready for bed and as he crawled in to his bed he started crying.  This was not just a few tears it was full fledged sobbing.  This was the first time he had been that upset for that long.  He shared with me how he felt and some fears he had.  We cried together and cuddled as we talked about Daddy and how much we miss him.  After about 30 minutes of uncontrollable tears he was able to settle down.  We prayed and he was able to fall asleep.  The next morning I asked him if he was feeling any better and he said, "Yep, lets not cry again like we did last night cause that was exhausting!".  I am so glad that Isaac is open with me and shares how he is feeling even if it is hard for me to deal with my own emotions sometimes.  Please continue to pray for Isaac and that as he misses his Daddy he would be able to talk about it and that he would truly understand that he can rely on God for strength and trust Him with everything.

Once again I struggle with (which is probably why I had a hard time updating the blog) the question of how we are doing.  This question is so hard for me to answer.  It is not grouped into weeks, days, or even hours but rather moments. Some moments we are remembering Rob and smiling at the memories.  Some moments we are making new memories even while the thought of Rob is never far.  Some moments we are so heart broken and all we can do is cry.  I never imagined missing Rob would be this hard.  For Isaac and I every moment of our day and night are different then before.  We are so thankful that we have no doubt where Rob is and that he is pain free and praising Jesus but that doesn't take away the pain of missing him.  At this point we just take it moment by moment and with the support of friends and family we ride whatever waves are coming our way.  Isaac misses his daddy but tells me often we don't need to be sad because daddy is with Jesus.  We don't know what the future looks like for us and planning feels like a frightening thing but today we are here and we will make the best of it even between the tears.  

I have talked before about the Never Alone Foundation and their support of cancer patients and their families.  Through the foundation Rob and I and our dads were able to see a Winnipeg Bluebomber game last August and then in November the sent Rob and I to the Grey Cup!  In March they came through again for us and sent us to Fargo for 2 nights over Isaac's spring break.  We were join by a friend of mine and her daughter and had a super fun time away.  We basically did the exact same trip (same hotel, same restaurants, same activities) as the trip we did with Rob 2 years before.  It was fun to be there and talk about the fun stuff that we had done there with Daddy while we also made some new memories of our own.  Thank you to the Never Alone Foundation for giving us the time away!  

1 Peter 1:6-8 says, "So be truly glad.  There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while.  These trials will show that your faith is genuine.  It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold-though your faith is far more precious than mere gold.  So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honour on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world."  We are not told that our lives will be easy and being a Christian does not mean that you get a free pass of an easy life but it doesn't end there.  1Peter reminds us that although we will face trials and sadness we have hope in heaven and eternity with Jesus in heaven makes it all worth it.  Sometimes the only way to get through the day is to not just think about life here on earth but to focus on the hope in the future we have if we know Jesus. 

Love Karen