It has been a long time since my last update and part of the reason is just how difficult it is to put into writing how we have been doing. Getting through Christmas, the one year anniversary of Rob's death, the day of his funeral, and then his birthday all within one month was very difficult. Plus just before Christmas a good friend of mine in Ontario died. It proved to be a very emotional December and January and my thoughts were all over the place.
The hole Rob left in our hearts will never go away, however I find myself in a different place than I was even a few months ago. I miss my man so much and wonder/imagine what life would be like if he didn't get sick and he was still with us. We still talk about him all the time and recall memories or comment on things he would be doing or love. That all being said I don't find myself in the deep pit of sadness every day. Sure I have days and moments where life seems too much and I can't bear to think of another moment without Rob but those moments are less now then they used to be. Isaac and I are able to have fun and do things together making new memories. It does often leave me feeling guilty that I am not always thinking about Rob and that I will forget him but I have to remind myself that I will never forget him and that he would want Isaac and I to be happy.
Isaac is doing well. He will always miss his dad and certainly his reaction to things are different then a normal 6 year old because he has gone through so much in his short life. That being said he is learning how to better deal with his emotions. A lot of the time he just needs that feeling of being safe and when he isn't with me he needs that reassurance from the people around him. I am so thankful that he is very verbal and is able to communicate how he is feeling for the most part.
At the start of April I made a major life change by getting a new job. I felt it was time for a change and had been thinking about and praying for direction of what I should do next. Years ago Rob and talked about one day when he was a teacher, that I would become an Education Assistant so we could have the summers off together. It took me a while to realize but one Sunday morning it dawned on my that this was what I should do now. I was able to take a weekend training course in February and that was all the training I needed for the career change. God answered my prayer in His timing and so perfectly. I was able to get a half time position working in Isaac's school and it is the perfect fit right now. I hope to eventually get a full day position but for now it is great and I am really enjoying the job. I am actually working in the same school division as Rob did and I can't help but think how proud of me he would be for making this change and that he would be laughing about it!
Three years ago we started this blog to update our family and friends on medical things. It quickly changed to updating the details of Rob's treatment to also updating on how we were coping and how God was carrying us through. In the letter Rob left for me to have after he died he wrote how he really wanted his story to bring glory to God. He often told me if one person decided to follow Jesus after hearing his story that his suffering was worth it. Choosing to follow Jesus doesn't mean that life will be easy, in fact I know many Christians who have had very hard lives. The difference is knowing where you go after you die and always having the reassurance of heaven. It also means that in the hard times in life, and the good times too, God is listening to your prayers and He cares deeply. If you are reading this and you don't have a relationship with Jesus I challenge you to get to know Him. Find a bible and spend some time reading about God, pray, go to church, talk to someone who is a Christian and if you don't know someone who is a Christian you know me and I would love to hear from you. One day we will be in heaven with Jesus and reunited with Rob (what a glorious day to think about!) and I pray that all of you are there too.
After much prayer and thought I have decided that this will be my last blog. I am at a point where writing an update is harder for me and there is no longer medical stuff to update on. I feel that the purpose of the blog has been reached. As I sit here I am overwhelmed with thanks for each of you who have journeyed with us. Rob and I were always blown away by the support we received. So from the bottom of my heart thank you for all you have done for us. The prayers, visits, encouragement, hugs, meals, gifts, financial help, help with Isaac, love and support and everything else you have done for us. You helped to carry us through such a difficult time. I feel like I could never thank you each enough. I ask that even though there won't be blog updates that you continue to pray for Isaac and I and our families as we continue to face each day without Rob.
When we started the blog we prayed about what verse would be our key verse and we chose....
Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body will rest secure, because you will not abandon me. Psalm 16:9-10
Praise God that He has not abandoned us. Rob is in heaven pain free and praising God in his presence and that is why we can face such a trial and put our trust in Jesus.
Love Karen
