Unexpected bad news.

One of the many things that I hate about cancer is how quickly things can change.  It feels like you have a plan and are ready to move forward with the next step and then something changes and you have a whole new plan.  Often it feels like one step forward and ten steps back. Last week was one of those moments where all of the sudden the plan we had in place was completely changed. 


On Friday Rob and I went to Cancer care for Rob's regular follow up with Dr Gordon (chemo doctor).  We went there thinking it was going to be a normal appointment and that we would be in and out quickly....unfortunately that is not what happened.  Rob mentioned that his neck pain has gotten worse over the last few weeks.  Pain is always worrisome when dealing with cancer so she did a physical examination of him.  She was concerned right away and felt the tumor on his collarbone felt different.  She said that sometimes it can be a good thing that she only sees it every 3 weeks because then it is easier to notice a difference and Rob may not noticed a change seeing it every day.  We were immediately sent for a CT scan to see what was happening.  We left the hospital in shock and scared but hoping she was wrong.  Sometime after 4pm Rob got a call from the doctor saying that the tumor on his collarbone and the one in his mouth had grown slightly and there it looks like the cancer might be in his jawbone now.  This was news we didn't expect to hear nor did we want to hear this.  Dr Gordon would like to start Rob on a new chemo drug immediately.  She feels that with the change she is seeing now is not the time to stop chemo and wait to see what happens, in fact she worries that if we stop treatment then the cancer will progress very quickly.  This new chemo drug is one that Rob has never had before and even though we get a long list of possible side effects we really don't know how Rob will respond to it.  We had the weekend to think and pray about it and we met with her again today to go over some questions.  Our time with her today was very good and she was able to answer all our questions and have a good chat with us.  Before we got out of the car to go in we prayed for peace with our decision especially for Rob.  I am happy to say that after leaving Cancer Care today we both felt at peace and that this was a good next step.  Unfortunately Rob has a bad sinus cold and so we will begin chemo next week.  In one way we are thankful for the break this week and hope to enjoy it.  Pray that Rob is able to fight off this cold quickly so he can enjoy some days this week and that chemo will start as planned next week. 


The other thing we talked at length about today was natural treatments. Rob has done 3 of the natural treatments so far.  We feel like we haven't even had a chance to see if it is working at all so we will continue those treatments as long as there are no interactions with the chemo drug.  Dr Gordon would like Rob to do the first round of chemo without the natural treatments so that we are able to know if there are side effects what might be causing them.  That way he can compare a round of chemo without natural treatments to a round with.  We have also heard that for some patients on natural treatments have less side effects from the chemo drugs and we are praying this is the case for Rob.  The other thing we are going to look into is an additional weekly treatment specifically for the type of cancer Rob has.  We had previously declined it to keep the costs lower but at this point we need to give everything we have a try.  There is also some concern that the natural treatments are antioxidants and will not allow the chemo to do what it needs to do so we will have to meet with the Naturopath to discuss this. 


I have spent a lot of time wondering when we stop trying or hoping.  I think that when you are outside of the shoes we find ourselves in it is very easy to question when enough is enough.  However when you are in our shoes you realize that, although we know the reality of our situation, we will keep fighting and trying everything we can until Rob no longer can.  We pray everyday that Rob will be healed and that we will have many more years on earth together. 


Many of you have been asking how Isaac is doing.  We try to keep things as normal as possible around him but that being said he picks up on our emotions.  He also knows that Daddy has cancer and prays for him every night to get better.  Over the weekend Isaac and I were talking and I told him that Daddy was going to start a new medicine and that he would probably lose his hair.  Isaac's response was, " It's ok I will always know who my Dad is.  I love my Daddy.  He is the best!".  We try to make a priority of time together and make sure that Isaac always know how much he is loved so that even amongst the chaos he is confident of that. 


We are scared and weary but we know that God loves us and that He will continue to walk with us.  Love Karen