I Can Only Imagine.

It has been over 2 weeks since I lay next to Rob in his hospital bed while he took his last breath but it often feels like it has been much longer than that.  The pain that comes with missing Rob and just wanting to be with him again is too overwhelming to describe.  On the other hand thinking of him pain free and happy in heaven is such a comfort.  Isaac and I talk most days about what Daddy is doing in heaven.  The other day Isaac said he doesn't like talking about heaven because he doesn't know what it looks like.  We had a good conversation about this and Isaac has now decided that heaven is a giant jungle gym and his Daddy is playing on it all the time and is super good at it.  He also thinks that Daddy is hanging out with Isaac from the bible and maybe even Abraham too!  It has been good for both of us to talk about heaven and to remember that Rob is in a much better place.  Even though we miss him like crazy we know he is waiting for us in heaven and we will see him again some day.  This morning in my devotions I was lead to the verse from Psalm 147:3 which says, "He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds."  One day at a time, and some days it is minute by minute but God will carry us through this.  It is our weaknesses that bring us closer to Jesus and without Him I would be lost.  In the letter that Rob left me he encouraged me to draw close to God because now he is with God and the closer I am to God the closer I will feel to him.

I realize that I haven't done much blogging about what happened leading up to the funeral and so I wanted to share this one story.  The day I got the call that I could come and pick up Rob's urn was a tough day.  I had 2 friends offer to pick it up for me but I knew that I needed to do it myself.  Amy drove me there and came in with me.  When the funeral director brought it to me my first thought was how beautiful the box looked.  Inscribed on it I had chosen
"Rob Scott, Man of God. January 24th,1983-January 4th, 2016."
Seeing it made me cry and even typing this now makes me cry, but I know that it is exactly how Rob would want to be remembered.  We left the funeral home with Rob in my hands and got in Amy's car.  The song that was playing was " I Can Only Imagine" by Mercy Me.  The song talks about what it will be like when we get to heaven but it is something so beyond our comprehension that all we can do is imagine what it is like.  To sit there in the car with Rob's ashes knowing that he is no longer here but praising Jesus in heaven was so comforting.  I had a good cry in the car for Isaac and I and everyone left behind, but what a gift to be reminded what an amazing place Rob is in.

Since the funeral we have been just trying to figure out our new normal.  Isaac has been regularly going to school and his teacher and the staff at the school have been an amazing support to him.  It is going to be a long time until we know what life is going to look like for us but I am just trying to make sure that Isaac feels loved and safe and to remind him each day how much his Daddy loves him.  For over a year and a half Isaac prayed every night asking God is make his Daddy all better and now his prayer is that God would make sure Daddy is having a good time in heaven.  The hardest time for me is after Isaac is in bed and I am alone.  This is the time when Rob and I would hang out and get some quality time together.  I have been surrounded by family and friends but have also had a few nights alone and this is something that is going to take a long time to get used to.  Keeping busy during the day is ok but I miss Rob so much in the evening and going to bed alone is tough.

Many of you have been asking about the trust fund and how to make a contribution.  We wanted to make sure it was set up properly and securely and unfortunately this means it has taken much longer to set up then we had hoped.  Once we are able to get it set up your cheques will be cashed and I will post on the blog how contributions can be made for those who have been asking.  Thank you so much for helping  our family out in this way.  I have explained to Isaac that since Daddy isn't here to work hard and help pay for things like camp, sports and university that people are wanting to help him out and even as a kid he can appreciate the generosity.

Right now there are lots of major decisions that have to be made and paper work that needs filled out and it can all feel very overwhelming.   I also feel like we need lots of prayer so here are a bunch of specifics you can pray for.
-that Isaac would feel safe and loved and be open with his feelings
-that I would feel God's presence especially when I am lonely and missing Rob
-for God's peace, strength, and hope each day
-for my family and Rob's family as they mourn Rob
-that life insurance and other payments would be processed quickly without problems
-that I would have wisdom with decisions that need to be made, especially since I am not able to talk things over with Rob

Thank you for all the prayers, love and support.  Our situation is so hard but we have an incredible group of people around us and we are so thankful for each of you.
Love Karen