This week has been a very tough and emotional week. I sometimes am not sure how each day I have gotten out of bed and embraced the day. I have started to say to myself each morning "This is the day the Lord has made, we will rejoice and be glad in it." Each day we have is a gift and we need to enjoy it even if our circumstances are hard. That being said even in the moments of tears, and sadness there have still been moments of laughter and joy and we cling to those. We pray everyday for God to do a miracle in Rob's body and that the doctors will be blown away by what God has done.
On Wednesday the phone rang at 8:20am. Without even looking at the phone I knew who it was and I dreaded what he would say. It was Dr.Nason and he was calling to say the needle biopsy has come back with positive cells for cancer. As much as we knew this was likely we were hanging on to the hope that maybe they were wrong and that is what we were praying for. It was a tough day just realizing now what we faced and knowing that Rob's cancer is now considered incurable.
This morning we went to Cancer Care to meet with the medical oncologist (chemo doctor) and Rob had blood work done. We knew that surgery was not an option but thought that some radiation was a possibility but today we learned that is not the case. Chemo is our only option and it is going to be tough. The goal of the chemo is to shrink the tumor and prevent it from spreading quickly and to take away pain to improve Rob's quality of life. The doctor we saw today is more of a pessimist than some of the other doctors and it doesn't always sit well with me. We know the reality of our situation but we also know our God is bigger and if it is His will he can heal Rob and give us many more years together. Rob is ready to fight this as hard as he possibly can and we hope and pray that this doctor will be shocked at the outcome.
Chemo will be 6 cycles that are 3 weeks long each without a break in-between. He will have 3 different drugs this time and so the side effects with be more intense. He will have to go for chemo every week but each week will look a little different and he won't get all the drugs every time. The other complication is that Rob either needs to have a port or a picc line so that they don't always have to find a vein. There are pros and cons to both of these but over the long term we have decided to get a port. We also had a long conversation about Rob's dream trip to BC that we have planned (thank you to all that are making that happen!). The doctor wants to get chemo started as soon as possible so we have decided to have one round of chemo and then take the trip with some modifications.
This seems like a long daunting road to be going on but Rob did it once and he can do it again. Please pray with us that the drugs would do wonders and shrink the tumor completely, that the cancer does not spread anywhere else, that Rob's body will stay strong and he will not get any infections while on chemo. As I think back to chemo last Oct/Nov I start remembering all the bad parts of being on chemo and having to watch Rob go through this. Please also pray for strength for me and that I am able to be the best support to Rob.
Rob is still having pain in his mouth and we still don't know if that is just from the surgery or if it in fact another tumor. The doctors said they would watch it and see what happens. We hope that whatever it is that the chemo gets rid of it and that next time they do a scan it is gone.
He is also having a lot of pain in his neck and it is really affecting his quality of life. Today he was given some pain killers that are a little stronger which is good but they also have side effects. Next Friday we are meeting with the pain management team and hopefully they are able to figure out the best pain relief for Rob with the least side effects. Please pray that he is able to sleep better tonight. We both have had a few bad nights and it affects how you feel all day. I am really hoping tonight we both have a good restful sleep.
So our next step is to wait for the nurse to call and confirm dates for the picc line (we are going with a picc for this one treatment) and for chemo to start. Plus we see the pain management team to get that under control.
We continue to take it one day at a time because that is all we can handle. Thank you for all the love and support we have received over the last week especially. This is a hard journey to be on but we are surrounded by family and friends who love us and, although that doesn't take the pain away, it sure makes it easier. Sometimes I wish I had the energy to thank you all personally but I can't so please accept our deepest thanks.
Psalm 145:6 says "Your awe inspiring deeds will be on every tongue; I will proclaim your greatness."
Love Karen
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