Pain in the Neck, Literally

Guest blogger Amy has returned!

Seeing how overwhelmed Karen is and knowing that you're all hoping for an update and new specifics to pray into, I offered to update you all on her behalf.  I've had the pleasure of being here to help out around their home for the last 4 days.

It's incredible how reading words and seeing things face to face can be so drastically different.  Words like, "the tumour is growing" seem obvious, until you see how much that tumour has truly grown and how much difficulty it causes.  To say that Rob looks uncomfortable, is the understatement of the year.  The tumour is irritated by every shirt collar, the seatbelt in a car and is simply always in his way as he seeks to get comfortable.

"Rob's pain is increasing", the palliative care team are working to make Rob's pain more manageable and are trying.  Unfortunately, at times this isn't enough and Rob is literally sitting in silence.  The pain is so intense that he can't speak.  He closes his eyes and just focuses on breathing, watching him in these moments made me feel so helpless.  Seeing that Karen was there, I would try to run down to the basement to fold laundry or take Isaac into another room to play and distract him from having to watch his Daddy suffer in so much pain.  Unfortunately, I'm not able to protect Karen from having to watch the love of her life suffer from this pain.

Rob is probably 1/2 the size he was before the cancer took over his body.  He was once a broad, strong man that is now frail and extremely thin.  I don't know how he continues to get out of bed each morning and fight.  The most intense physical pain I've ever experienced is labour.  I was quick to yell out, "I want an epidural" and with our last daughter I continually screamed, "get her out!!"  There is a major difference, I knew once that baby was out, the pain would end.  I can not imagine being in physical pain that has no immediate end, is likely to increase and will only truly stop at death.  Rob's determination to stay positive and try to do some normal things has been simply amazing to witness.

I have been in frequent communication with Karen and am very aware of her brokenness, this trip was the first time I witnessed his family's brokenness as well.  I know the pain of losing a child and have been broken for Rob's parents, watching them sit with their son and seeing their brokenness was emotional to say the least.  It simply feels so wrong.  A man that is so young and was so strong, should not be dying.

Isaac has brought me to tears many times on this trip.  My first night here he told me that his daddy was sick and is going to die soon.  I didn't know what to say, so I just asked him how he felt.  He told me it makes him sad.  Each night he prays that his daddy wouldn't die.  It's just not fair that this little boy will grow up without his daddy.  Sometimes Isaac would call out and say he had a nightmare when he didn't want to go to sleep.  Although I knew he hadn't even fallen asleep yet, I would always think about the fact that his life is currently a nightmare, so the statement was true.

I worried before I came that I might be in their way.  Maybe Rob would be annoyed that I was here, maybe I would be stealing time from Rob and Karen or Rob and Isaac.  I can confidently say that I am so glad I came.  If you're a friend of theirs and you haven't been coming around to see Rob, please do.  I have been so touched by my time here and can only hope I've been as much of a blessing to them, as they've been to me.

For those of you near and far, do not stop praying for this family.  Pray for the extended family and close friends that are walking this nightmare by their sides.  Pray for Rob's pain and the pain that those around him feel as they watch him in such pain.  Pray for provision as they aren't working and still have to live.  I don't know how many days God has given Rob on this earth, but I can clearly see that with the time he has, he's leaving a beautiful imprint of faith and hope in Jesus.